We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
