I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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