Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
