just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
