i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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