I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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