I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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