I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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