I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drake has all the answers
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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