Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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