Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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