I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
