I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
