oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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