On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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