its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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