Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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