sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
false alarm, still single
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
