I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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