3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
