I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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