Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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