I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
