Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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