I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
