Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize