I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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