You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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