I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
