My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
