Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
