listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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