I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
