update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize