How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
