hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
