Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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