Sry I called you an 8
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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