I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
