did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
