just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
