so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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