does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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