Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
