i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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