I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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