she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
