That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
