I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
