STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
