You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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