Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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