Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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