so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
