I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
