please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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