If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
