that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
