Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There r osticjed everywhere
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
