To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
two words...techno handjob
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
