I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
