I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
