You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
