How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
