What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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