"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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