Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
