Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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