Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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