I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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