True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
