There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
