we're chasing vodka with high fives
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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