Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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