The maid of honor just puked.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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