Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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