I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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