I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
