So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
