The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
