Me too!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
