My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
