i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
