just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
