I didn't shave. On purpose
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
