Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize