I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
