If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
