i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
