Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
