this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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