I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
